Ugh. Let's talk disappointment, shall we?

So, let me first say the following: I did not purchase this game. It was purchased by a friend of mine for the purpose of being played on my playstation 3 system, since said friend does not have their own system. Maybe it's a "fan" thing, I dunno, but other than the inklings of the co-op mode they kept touting out over and over again, I wasn't too thrilled about the prospect of yet another Resident Evil game. So now, after having played and beaten the game (not the bonus stuff... we'll talk about that in a bit) I can say with a very high degree of certainty that this is the last time any chronicles of the "Umbrella Corp" will cross my gaming pallet.

I want to start with the game play. If you've played Resident Evil Four, then you know what's going on here, with a few changes. Gone are the days of changing out items via a paused inventory screen, and no longer are you limited to your attache case, etc... OH, no, you're limited to NINE item slots. Period. That's it. You can carry nine different things, and then that's it. I suppose the reason for this was to more easily integrate the co-op game play, but it just really gives the game a very "action shooter" feel, with the fast weapon swapping, no-pause item selection, quick inventory, continue ad nauseum.

The problem with the above paragraph is that Resident Evil FAILS on being an action game. Period. The camera sucks, and is taken up mostly by the back-side of your character. You cannot move while firing, reload time is measured in long agonizing seconds, most weapons are slow to fire at best, and downright unresponsive at worst. Complicate this by throwing in your super-human parasite infested (no, not zombie) opponents who come at you in hoards and swarms and gushes and unrelenting waves, and you've got yourself a winning recipe for seeing the "You are Dead" screen more times than you'd care to count. Oh, and finding ammo is a crap-shoot most of the time. When it's dropped, it's usually not what you need, and the sheer volume of bullets it takes to drop any given enemy makes it a guarantee that your weapon will click far more than banging.

So, let's say for a moment that Resident Evil 5 isn't an action game, and is in fact a "survival horror" still. So, maybe the idea of the a fore mentioned complications to the game play are there to help reinforce the 'horror' of trying to 'survive' this game. But let's break this down into it's two key components. Survival, and Horror. Survival would tend to indicate that if you're trying to stretch by via the skin of one's teeth, that avoiding fights, hiding, or being able to somehow push your way through the hordes without firing a shot at them would be the way to go. In this, you would be wrong. Most fights in the game require you to either defeat all your enemies, or just the really big mean scary one (who are protected by the normies) in order to continue through an area. Sure you can conserve your ammunition just to attack the one big guy with the chainsaw, but then what are you going to do when all the other 40 guys are standing in your way trying to grab your gonads with their tentacles and you can't do a damn thing about it except swing your big useless knife around while NOT MOVING?

Then there's the "horror" aspect. So, really, nothing about this game is even the least bit scary. The 'gore' factor is gone, as is any realism of any type, shape, or form, leaving you with an uncharacteristically un-scary romp through some bizarre action game with all the useful action stripped out. At least Resident Evil 4 had the good sense to be set in a depressing and down-trodden, rotting village, complete with medieval castle and setting-appropriate baddies. Five just plops you into a run-down modern-esque African village full of people with guns, hatchets, knifes, etc. who just want to use their tentacled maws to give you a big ole wet kiss. There's no mystery here, or even any sense of "holy crap what was that" which you would expect in something calling itself 'horror'. It's just not scary. Or even really all that startling. Or even spooky. It's just... generic bland action setting. Don't get me wrong, they do spice things up a bit by making you go through an Indiana Jones type ruin, some super-futuristic laboratories, and even inside a volcano... but none of it is horror in the least.

So, game-play wise, this one falls more than flat. There's no innovations other than the few times you are forced to be separate from your team mate and help from afar, but that's only an innovation in this franchise (and not really done very well, at that).

My next big complaint is the story. None of it really fits. Without spoiling anything at all, none of the characters make any sort of lasting impact on the game except for 3, and that's your two main characters (one of which could have been replaced by ... well, anyone) and the boss. I like the main bad guy, up until he started acting like Neo from the Matrix. Dodging bullets, teleporting, flying, running at faster-than-jet speeds... Yeah. It's over-the top, and doesn't fit with the feeling of any other boss or character in any other Resident Evil game. There are other side-characters, but they either all die or have exactly zero impact on the story. One of the 'main' characters whom the game revolves around has a grand total of 5 lines in the entire script, and then might as well have never been there to begin with (here's looking at you, masked lady).

All in all, the story was far too anime inspired, and not nearly enough 'good writing' inspired.

I'm going to have to apologize for a moment, because I'm about to start comparing this game to it's predecessor quite heavily to wrap this whole thing up, so if you don't like that sort of thing... stop reading.

It seems like what the designers of the game really did with this one was to build a few new (somewhat interesting, but mostly confusing) levels, and then copy and paste all the baddies from RE:4 into them, with a quick slap of paint to match the local decor. It's a shame. Hell, even most of the "big bad nasty mini-boss" type characters are back in this one. Guy with axe, guy with chainsaw, guys with miniguns, guys with sledge hammers..... You get the idea. And you progress through these villains in EXACTLY THE SAME WAY as you do in RE:4. Start off with the local towns folk, then move into the historical throwbacks of some sort, followed up with heavy military types. No, really, the whole thing just seems like any original thought over at Capcom was lost long ago. Or maybe it's a general feeling of "Let's do what we did before"ism running rampant over there lately. Mega Man 9, Street Fighter 4, RE:5... all of which are copies (slightly updated, mind you) of things they've done before and places already walked a million times.

Speaking of slight updates... the graphics in RE:5 are a step above RE:4, but in light of such beautiful games as Metal Gear Solid 4, Killzone 2, Resistance, etc. already on the system, these just don't stand up very well. The environments are detailed in the same way that a nice painting is detailed. You can see, but not touch or interact, save for the few "I stand out like a sore thumb" boxes and shiny interactables. Level design is either very linear or very confusing and maze-like, but never open or expansive. Sue me, but I long for the days of Resident Evil where I could go all the way back to the very begining of the game's setting, and usually had to.

I haven't talked much about the co-op mode of RE:5. I will now. It improves the game in much the same way that co-op play will improve upon ANY mediocre game. Seriously, had I not had someone here playing with me the entire time, I'd have never finished the game proper. The story didn't convince me to keep slugging through the horrible game play mechanics, and the only joy I found was in having someone able to alert me as to where I might be able to find some ammo, or to supply a much needed save from the brink of death.

Yeah, I'm harsh on this game, but that's because Capcom already did the same thing in 4, but did it a lot better. Co-op won't save a rehash from just feeling microwaved and served in a different bowl.